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Redneck Noir & My Favorite Corner of Hell
There’s a special bond between people who, together, face death and survive.
That’s just the sort of bond I share with J.D. Rhoades. This past April, our paths crossed at the Southern Kentucky Book Fest, when J.D. and fellow writer Bob Morris were seeking shelter from tornadoes threatening Bowling Green.
And where do you think authors running from tornadoes go?
The hotel bar, of course.
It was there that these fine gentlemen found Kristy Kiernan and me, huddled in a corner after narrowly surviving a fierce bout of hail on our trip to the Holiday Inn.
Well, ok, we weren’t really huddled in a corner; we were slumped at a table.
Slumped?
Yes, slumped. It was four o’clock in the afternoon and the bar was closed. Here we were in a hotel that was hosting a hundred and fifty authors–authors whose lives were at the mercy of raging storms–and the bar was closed. J.D. and Bob slumped with us and we all waited, wondering which would come first: the tornado or the bartender?
Moments as terrifying as these leave you forever connected.
As you have undoubtedly surmised, it was the bartender and not the tornado that eventually found us. (Photos here.) But while we were waiting we got to talk about books, and I knew at once that I had to get my hands on both of J.D.’s: The Devil’s Right Hand and Good Day in Hell, novels that have spawned a whole new genre: Redneck Noir.
J.D. has graciously agreed to leave his storm shelter to provide us with his favorite drink recipe for today’s Virtual Cocktail Party:
J.D. Rhoades’ Rum & Diet Coke
Take rocks glass.
Fill with ice.
Pour in rum.
Pour in Diet Coke.
Garnish with lime wedge (optional).
Drink.
Repeat until charming.
How easy is that?
Doesn’t even require a shaker. And trust me when I say that it’s not going to take many (any) of them to make Mr. Rhoades charming. The man is already there!
J.D., or Dusty, as his friends call him, is one popular guy. I’ve received lots and lots of questions for him, so we’d better get started; this could take a while.
KRISTY: I’ve noticed that on your blog What Fresh Hell Is This? you are very careful, to the point of obsequiousness, in your effort to avoid offending anyone, especially politically. How do you balance that dainty dance of public courtesy with your rather seedy personal life?
J.D.: In public, I find it useful to use false names whenever possible. Some of you may know me as “Bulbous O’Flaherty,” “Rajiv Pandemanijam,” and “Ken Bruen.”
NATHAN: You’ve been an iconic figure for many decades now, although many who call themselves your most devout fans feel that your best work was your earlier material, and your work of late has been mostly morose and self-important. Do you personally feel creatively drained or has your audience simply not allowed you to grow as an artist?
J.D.: I try not to think about that sort of thing. I just do the projects that interest me. Fans will be happy to know, however, that I’m contemplating a return to comedy with a hilarious four hour HBO special based on Mahler’s Kindertotenlieder (Songs on the Death of Children), with a cast completely made up of otters. Otters lip-syncing to Mahler? Comedy gold.
NATHAN: Hindsight being what it is, if you had a chance to do it over, would you marry Mia Farrow again?
J.D.: Yeah, but I’d skip the threesome with Dianne Weist. That girl’s a stone freak, don’t get me wrong, but the next morning, she gets all weird and possessive and stuff.
TASHA: We tried to warn you, my friend. Have another drink.
KRISTY: The villains in your books seem to be mostly based on my family. Has your experience as a lawyer enabled you to have access to these sort of low-life, lawless and yet utterly charming rednecks, or are we simply related?
J.D.: Well, a genetic connection isn’t out of the realm of possibility, but the fact that I’ve got access to your family’s FBI files is probably the more important factor.
NATHAN: If you could, please share with us some of your earliest memories working on the Sid Ceasar show.
J.D.: Well, there was that time that Bobby Van tried to gut me with a broken vodka bottle because he thought I was putting the moves on Imogene Coca. Good times. Good times.
NATHAN: Many have charted the parallel careers of yourself and fellow Ceasar alum Mel Brooks. Have the two of you ever considered a collaboration?
J.D.: Yes, we’ve just gone into rehearsals for a full-length Broadway musical based on the campfire scene in “Blazing Saddles.” Know any good baritone sax players?
KRISTY: This question is obviously in reference to your last disastrous visit to Southern Kentucky: What will you do differently the next time you’re confronted with an irate and heavily armed bonobo ape?
J.D.: Give it Nathan Singer’s phone number.
TASHA: Come on, you’re only saying that because you’re jealous that Nathan’s book has been called thoroughly appalling.
KRISTY: How do you get your hair to do…that? Gel, mousse, squirrel?
J.D.: Transmission fluid.
NATHAN: Much ado has been made of your personal life and the reflections your admittedly rather public scandals have made in your creative endeavors particularly in Hannah and her Sisters and The Devil’s Right Hand. Do you see these works as being confessional or is the audience perhaps reading too much into the work?
J.D.: It comes as a surprise to a lot of people that my work is based, not on my actual life, but upon a series of hallucinations I experienced during dental surgery after I forgot to inform the anesthesiologist that I’d ingested a bottle of tequila (including worm) and half a sheet of blotter acid before he put me under. I was out for a little over six weeks. My semi-conscious ravings were recorded and later transcribed by a male nurse who sat by my bedside around the clock and tended me faithfully. When I awoke, I looked in the sixteen notebooks he’d filled and realized that there was a fortune to be made from publishing the contents. We made a deal; I’d take half of the notebooks, and he’d take the other. I wonder whatever happened to that Konrath guy?
TASHA: Joe Konrath is a prince among men! But I’ve always wondered where he gets his ideas…
Myriad thanks to Dusty for filling us in on the fascinating details of his career. I know I’m not the only one looking forward to the Mahler HBO special. But I’m thinking, Dusty, that we may need to get in touch with E! Entertainment Television and get them to feature you on the E! True Hollywood Story. North Carolina edition, of course.
Before we let our guest go, let’s be sure to answer his questions. It’s the least we can do after he’s been so candid with us…
(1) Are those real?
(2) How many roads must a man walk down?
(3) Which fictional sleuth would you most like to sleep with?
(4) Which fictional sleuth’s proposition, no mater how artfully phrased, would be most likely to send you fleeing headlong from the room?
(5) Who’s your favorite sidekick (not necessarily just in mysteries)?
(6) What’s you favorite murder weapon of all time?
(7) Which Winnie the Pooh character are you?
(8) Does a dog have Buddha nature?
(9) Preferred vacation spot: Beach, mountains, or desert?
(10) On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the Wolf with the red roses?
Next week, the fabulous Melanie Lynne Hauser will be with us, ready to share all her secret knowledge of super heroes. She’s gearing up for the paperback release of her novel, Confessions of Super Mom. As always, send me your questions or leave them in the comments.
Until then, try to avoid tornadoes…
xo
Tasha