Yes, I’m doing the birthday equivalent of Blatant Self Promotion. Sue me. I love my birthday; it’s the one day of the year when everyone on the planet has to be nice to me. What’s not to like? I’ll admit to being slightly heartbroken, though. I adore snow, and for most of my life have had birthday snow, which is the best: I curl up with a new book in front of a roaring fire, there’s something wonderful simmering on the stove, I watch the snow through the window…
Ain’t gonna happen on 1 December in Middle Tennessee. Probably won’t even happen on 1 January. But you can’t have it all, can you?
I’m dividing my time today between being giddy over my birthday and giddy over the fact that I’m revising my third novel. I love revising–there’s nothing like having a freshly-printed manuscript begging to be marked up with colored pens. I’m on my third pass through and loving every minute of it.
In fact–and I’m almost afraid to say this out loud–it’s beginning to look like there might even be in book in there somewhere, which is a wonderful feeling.
But a girl can’t work all the time, especially on her birthday. Which is why I am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled that today’s Virtual Cocktail Party guest is the lovely and articulate J.T. Ellison. J.T.’s debut novel, ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS is coming out from Mira next November (so now you know what to get everyone for Christmas next year) and she is a founding member of the much-buzzed about Killer Year. Add to all that the fact that she’s got boundless energy, amazing talent, and a heart of gold and you’ll know at once that she’s a person you’d want to have your back.
J.T. Ellison’s Non-Cocktail Cocktail
We’re having Champagne Cocktails over at Murderati in honor of Kristy Kiernan and the Debutantes. Drop a Bitters soaked sugar cube into a glass of bubbly. Think intellectual thoughts.
Seriously, there’s really only two “drinks” that I can handle, Margaritas and Jolly Ranchers. (Apple vodka and Diet Sprite.) Since I’m lousy with hard liquor, I have to be boring and make a couple of wine suggestions:
High end––Tenute Silvio Nardi Brunello
Every day—Ars Poetica Vulcano
Wine works for us! Pour yourself a glass and let’s get on with the show…
NAME WITHHELD TO PROTECT THE GUILTY: How brilliant is Rob Gregory Browne? Is it normal brilliance or does he shine like a thousand stars?
J.T.: Not only does Rob shine like a thousand stars, he knows how to make a flash bang so you can take a picture in the dark, and I think he has an extra finger on each hand, which makes him super duper special in my book.
KRISTY: You’ve stated that you believe in love at first sight. How does that differ from lust at first sight, and is there a detest at first sight?
J.T.: Thing I loved at first sight – Hubby, my kitten. Things I lust at first sight – Diamonds, 12,000 square foot mansions, and Clive Owen.
See the difference?
Now, detest at first sight is a different animal entirely. It’s the snap judgment, the immediate sense of dislocation upon meeting a person you know you’re just not going to like. I have one of those. She’s a close talking head bobber. Always a bad sign.
KRISTY: Speaking of that whole love at first sight thing, you performed nicely at Sincerity. Are good writers inherently good liars?
J.T.: Absolutely. We sit around in our little castles spouting forth blatant mistruths for a living. We’d best be good liars elsewhere. If you write the truth, you’re just doing literary fiction.
ERIC: Give me one sentence you wish you’d written.
J.T.: From Robert Fate’s BABY SHARK – “Not so many years ago I would have been called Soiled Dove instead of Baby Shark.” It made me cry.
TASHA: What’s the best movie to watch when you’re having a miserable day?
J.T.: Shhhh… come closer. Let me whisper this in your ear, because I really don’t want it to get out… DAYS OF THUNDER or BETTER OFF DEAD. That is so embarrassing. I can compound it all, toss in G.I. JANE and GLADIATOR. That’ll perk me right up.
ELAINE: Now that you’re a mystery writer - does Randy keep one eye open whilst he sleeps?
JT: You have no idea. The poor man has a tendency to inform perfect strangers – “If I die, make sure you look at my wife, because she can kill me in a bunch of different ways and no one will be the wiser.” We were watching a DEXTER marathon the other day, and I was laughing at a rather gruesome scene. I look over and he’s just shaking his head. He said, “You’re really sick, you know that?” I told him that I’m just special.
KRISTY: David Mitchell and Arthur Phillips. Who wins at naked Bulgarian wrestling?
J.T.: I had to give this some thought. I’m going to go with Arthur Phillips, because he can lie his way out of the ring with a quick round of Sincerity.
ERIC: If you had 10,000 LEGOS, what would you build?
J.T.: Hmmm…. Legos….. I think I’d have to create my own individual Florence, right in my living room. The bridges, the Duomo, yeah, that would be cool. Can I use a Lego to sculpt David? Or do I have to glue an extra one on the front?
A million thanks to J.T. for joining us! She’s so wonderful you really ought to send her a note lauding her. Get right on that, will you? But first take a minute to answer the questions she’s left for us:
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Tune in next week, when our guest will be the amazing Ken Bruen, with whom I was lucky enough to share a moment at Bouchercon (photographic evidence here). He’s so charming that just being in his presence was almost enough to make me look like I’d got more than one cumulative hour of sleep while I was in Madison. Ken’s writing blows me away–he’s got a voice that reaches for you and just won’t let go–and I know you’ve got questions for him. Send them to me!
In the meantime, if you haven’t yet found a birthday present for me, do remember that it’s never too late. Jewelry’s great, but I’d really rather have a heap of thoughtfully-selected books…
xo
Tasha
P.S. You didn’t think I forgot about the results of our latest round of Sincerity, did you???
James and Brett tie for getting the most people to accept their lies.
Overall high score goes to James, so watch out now that you know he can ferret out your lies while getting you to believe his.
That said, we’re all pretty darn good liars. Not many people identified what we said that was sincere….
Next time we play, I think somebody’s got to figure out a way to get Arthur Phillips to join us!
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Happy Birthday, Tasha! I hope you have a magical year.
Now, for J.T.’s questions…
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Um, it messes their hair up?
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Hmmmm. Ducks.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
Definitely March Madness.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Would it sound really bad if I said: Something fast and fun, that hugs the road in those tight curves?
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
The beach. No contest.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
The Simpson’s.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Christmas Day.
by Laura
on December 1st, 2006 at 12:16 am
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Happy Birthday Ms. Tasha…here’s to a day of relaxation and pampering…I hope someone is serving you something in bed right now…
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Please. It’s all about THEM at that point. They do NOT want to share. Plus, there’s all that white and the gloves…seems messy.
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Gotta go with the Sun Devils.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
NCAA any hour of any day.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
I’d be that Porsche that Dylan drove in Beverly Hills 90210.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
Ah, the single night in Florence.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
D’oh!
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Absolutely…although it’s never happened to me…
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Christmas Day.
by Carrie
on December 1st, 2006 at 8:40 am
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Thanks for the birthday greetings, guys!
Great questions, J.T.!
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Who says they do?
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Umm…I have no idea.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
I am SO out of my element here. Not a sports girl. (Except for the Tour de France)
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
I like Laura’s answer.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
I’m assuming neither option is spent alone? Then definitely give me the week on the beach, because one night isn’t going to be enough. 
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
Simpson’s
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes. I think so.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
I’ve done both and am happy either way. Flexible girl.
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Happy Birthday Tasha!
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Takes too long. They’d rather get it over with and be back up on stage.
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Ducks…instant replay or not, they beat OU.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
I’m with Carrie on this. NCAA, hands down—nothing beats college school-spirit. (Not that I’ve ever seen MY school win anything…)
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Maybe a Ford 250 pickup with an extended bed, full-cab, and King Ranch interior.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
On any normal day, I’d choose the single night in Florence. But I am tired and need to recharge before I could possibly be romantic—need a rest from this DAY JOB—so I’ll take a week on the deserted beach.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
“Please don’t be the boy, please don’t be the boy…D’OH!”
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in love at first meeting.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
If I’m giving, I like to surprise the night before…totally unexpected.
by James Lavish
on December 1st, 2006 at 10:44 am
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Oh, and Tasha’s being modest. SHE won Sincerity too! (mostly with her intuitiveness…she didn’t lie very well this time).
by James Lavish
on December 1st, 2006 at 10:46 am
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1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Contrary to what you might think, it’s not the sex they hate, but the group. They don’t know what to call out unless you’re wearing a name tag.
2. Beavers or Ducks?
I gotta go with the Beavers. Because the beaver was my high school mascot (go DuBois!) and well, you know, I can’t get enough of those furry little things.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
My wife is a Carolina Tarheel. Need I say more?
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Paid for.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
Florence, without a doubt.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
I love the Simpsons, but I gotta go with South Park.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I fell in love with my wife the first time I saw her on stage. I was just a character player and she was a star. That was nearly 30 years ago.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
How can you open presents on Christmas Eve? Santa hasn’t been there yet.
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Tasha,
Happy Birthday!
It was great to meet you in Nashville a few weeks ago. How did the focus group go?
J.T.,
The interview revealed things I thought I knew about you . . . oh, my.
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I guess that would be INTUITION–apparently my brain needs more caffeine. In any case, watch out, Tasha can see right through your lies.
by James Lavish
on December 1st, 2006 at 12:26 pm
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Happy birthday, Tasha! Hope all your birthday wishes come true and you don’t go to jail for any of them.
JT, if you ever murder your husband I’m confident that you’ll have an iron clad alibi for just such an occasion.
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
They don’t. At least not in my experience.
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Duck’s too greasy.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
Okay, now I just don’t get football, or baseball or whatever the hell this is. Give me something with knives and roller derby and I’m happy.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
A high performance muscle car that knows how to hug the road, goes fast when it’s needed and slow when it ain’t. Something with enough power to get into trouble and enough handling to get back out again.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
I refuse to choose. I want it all.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
Tough one. I like them both.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes. I also, however, believe in a myopic cupid with beer goggles.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
I like Hannukah. Get to give presents what, seven days? Eight days? Hell, I don’t know. I’m a Mithraist.
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A myopic cupid with beer goggles? Priceless.
I’ll stop in tonight and answer the first two questions.
In the meantime, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear friend Tasha. May all your wishes come true.
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“A myopic cupid with beer goggles? Priceless.”
Yeah, that’s a good one!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TASHA!!!!!!!
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Hold on for a minute. I’ll detangle myself and poll the room….
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Trojans! GO PAC 10!
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
March Madness. No question.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Land Cruiser Defender…go anywhere, do anything.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
Hello??? A whole WEEK versus a night??? I’ll take the week on the beach.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
Simpson’s
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes. Happens to me about every other day. To bad the other person doesn’t feel the same.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
To me, the anticipation is the most fun…so Christmas Day.
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Okay, answers to the two toughies:
1. Debutantes hate group sex because there’s all those damn thank you notes.
2. Beavers or Ducks?
The right answer is Beavers and ducks, and it’s a brilliantly timed line from the movie BANDITS.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0219965/quotes
Have a great weekend, everyone!
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Have a lovely Birthday, Tasha!
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Too much competition?
2. Beavers or Ducks?
Can’t say I get the reference, but I’d go with beavers.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
March Madness. Totally don’t get football.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Some sort of Saturn probably.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
I’d go with the beach, and it was only the week vs. day that tipped the scale.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
The Simpson’s
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I suppose. Although it hasn’t happened to me. Don’t tell my husband…
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Christmas Eve. I just can’t wait.
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1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Because they like to come first. (That’s a much funnier line when told in person…and in a long white gown, gloves, and pearls, holding a crudite in one hand and a filthy martini in the other)
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Well, now I know the answer! Damn, you’re too quick JT, I mean, I spent ALL DAY writing, chained to the computer I was, I got at least 3,000 words in. Wait, we’re not playing Sincerity? Oh.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
Huh?
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Well, you hapened to catch me on an interesting day, and right this second I’m a 2007 Dodge Charger SRT8, black, but normally I’m a 1979 Mercedes 450 SL, navy, camel interior.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
Week on a deserted beach, the more deserted the better.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
Ooooh, I’l have to go old school with The Simpson’s. Tough one though…
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Despite the fact that I gave you a bit of a hard time with this, yes, I do.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
One present on X-mas Eve, the motherlode on X-mas Day 
by Kristy
on December 1st, 2006 at 6:48 pm
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TASHA!!!
by Kristy
on December 1st, 2006 at 6:50 pm
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Happy Birthday Tasha!!!
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
JT beat me on that one. “All those thank-you notes!”
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
No idea.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
Opera.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Porsche 356-B ragtop, triple black.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
Beach but with Florentine Chinese food delivery.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
South Park, but it’s neck and neck.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Hoo yeah.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Both.
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CORNELIA!!! Yay!!!!!
Sorry to have jumped the gun guys, I’m lame today.
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Wow, Happy Birthday, Tasha! I had no idea. Have the best year ever - you deserve it.
1. I think JT is the only deb I know, and I’d hate to think SHE hates group sex… it so kills one of my favorite fantasies.
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
Umm… is this one of those sports questions?
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
See above.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
Porsche, but I don’t know the numbers. It’s one of those car questions.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
That’s a toss-up. I can cram a whole lot into one night…
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
South Park, but I love those Simpsons writers.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes, but on little authority.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Depends on the present.
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First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Tasha!
Now, down to business:
1. Why do debutantes hate group sex?
Same reason I do. It’s hard enough pleasing ONE person.
2. Beavers or Ducks? (and 2 points for the reference)
I’ll leave that one alone.
3. March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
A good book.
4. If you were a car, what would you be?
A Prius.
5. If given a choice between a perfect single night – dinner, wine, a moonlight stroll through the streets of Florence, or a week on a deserted beach, which would you chose?
Florence. I’ve been to many, many deserted beaches in my time (or nearly deserted — I’m from Hawaii), so I’ll go with something different.
6. The Simpson’s or South Park?
Why not both?
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in lust at first site. The love can only come from getting to know each other.
8. Presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Both. When I was a kid, we’d go to bed about eight, then my parents would wake us up around eleven or so — Santa was here!!
I think it was mostly so they wouldn’t have to get up early on Christmas day.
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Happy birthday, beautiful girl.
by Anonymous
on December 3rd, 2006 at 11:01 am
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Happy (Belated) birthday, Tasha! Sorry I missed all the festivities (and the chance to reveal the punch line of the debutante group sex joke).
by JDRhoades
on December 3rd, 2006 at 2:43 pm
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BELATED Happy Birthday.. (:
Enjoyed meeting you in Vero Beach.. FINALLY reading your book.. it’s great! My grandkids kept me too busy to read ANYTHING..
by Ginny Lavish
on December 3rd, 2006 at 3:37 pm
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Many, many thanks for all the birthday greetings.
Dusty, why does it not surprise me that you knew the punch line to the debutante joke???
Ginny, it’s lovely to see you–so glad you’re enjoying the book!
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The last to arrive, but never the first to leave - Belated Happy Birthday, Tasha!
#1 - group sex?
I’m a bit past that darlings…
#2 - Beavers vs Ducks
Not into outdoor sports
#3 - March Madness or NFL Playoffs?
I’m a March birthday - thus all of March is madness
#4 - If I were a car?
Oh, darlings - a Maseratti for sure
#5 - Florence or a beach?
The beach at Anahola on Kaua’i
#6 - Simpson’s or Southpark?
Neither
#7 - Love at first sight?
Sure do - and it’s worked for 47 years
#8 - Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Both, naturally - the more, the merrier
by Evil E
on December 4th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
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