I’m a little blue today, so I’m opting to share a few goings-on (via bullet points) rather than fake a blog that’s just not there. Trust me, it’s safer this way.
**The third book in my Jenkins & Burns Mystery series, Marked by Fate, debuts this week. It was written on the heels of some tough life stuff, so I’m proud of it. Our own Tasha Alexander had this to say about it…
“Laura Bradford’s latest mystery, Marked by Fate, is enchanting. Confident writing and a beautifully drawn setting make you feel like you’ve come home to cozy up with a cast of marvelous characters, led by the incomparable Elise Jenkins. But before you get too comfortable, Bradford plunges you into a story full of suspense and intrigue that will keep you guessing—and worrying. Marked by Fate is not to be missed.”
**The second book in the series, Forecast of Evil, will release in mass market paperback with Harlequin’s Worldwide Mystery Book Club on June 1st. Since it’s a secondary rights deal, I don’t see the cover until it’s released to the public—and I can’t wait! I’ve got my fingers crossed for another sell-out.
**I’m off to the Malice Domestic Conference at the Crystal Gateway Marriott in Washington D.C., this weekend. I fly in Thursday and am looking forward to doing a little sightseeing that afternoon.
**If you happen to be at Malice—or simply wander in off the street—it’s a safe bet you can find a few of us Good Girls at the hotel lounge in the evenings (okay, maybe during other parts of the day, too). We’d love to say hi! Or, better yet, pull up a chair and hang with us.
**Hugs are always good greetings.
**While I’m in D.C., I’m planning on dragging a second pair of eyes along with me to a local mall. I want to find a killer outfit for my high school reunion next month. The last time I saw these people we wore things like leg warmers, mini skirts, ripped sweatshirts, and Jordache jeans. Sniff!! I miss the 80’s.
That’s it for me today. Now it’s your turn. I’m in need of some laughter. So leave your best joke in the comment section. The poster with the funniest joke will get a copy of my new book. The poster who snaps me out of this funk with their wittiness and/or charm, will get a copy of all three.
Fire away!
~Laura
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My best joke? I don’t think I can write that one here. So, how about this one?
So, these two guys are hiking in the woods when this bear sees them and starts charging. One guy’s about to take off and he notices his buddy sitting down to put on running shoes.
“The hell are you doing? You’re not gonna outrun a bear.”
“I don’t have to outrun the bear,” he says. “I just have to outrun you.”
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Tasha, Sara and Diana die and go to Heaven. When they get there, St. Peter is standing at the gates of Heaven. He says, “Now you may enter Heaven. However, I’m warning you, don’t step on a duck.” They have no idea what that means, but they all promise not to step on a duck. The gates of Heaven open and they walk through. To their horror the grounds are covered with ducks. After 5 minutes of shuffling along, Tasha, begins reminiscing about her successful life as an author and steps on a duck. St. Peter appeared and cuffs an ugly man to her and says, “For your punishment you are now bound together for all eternity.”
Stunned at what just happened, Sara and Diana leave a distraught Tasha behind and shuffle off. Ten minutes later, Sara turns to Diana and says, “Oh my God, did you see how ugly that guys was? Without thinking, Sara takes a step and “Squish.” She looks down in horror to see she has stepped on a duck. POOF! St. Peter appears with a gut retching ugly man and again, cuffs them both together and condemns them for all eternity.
Diana is terrified. She takes special precautions not to step on a duck. She’s a sensitive woman, and even though her protaganist, Grace Hollister, has a secret yen for bad boys, she wants no part of these ugly characters.
Death goes on, and after a while, St. Peter appears without warning and cuffs Diana to the most strikingly handsome guy she has ever seen. His shirt is ripped in front revealing a hairless broad chest and chiseled abs. She feels like she is the cover art for a romance novel. “Wow, I’m not sure what I did to deserve this,” she says to the hunk next to her.
“I don’t know about you,” the man said, “But those frickin’ ducks are everywhere!”
AUTHOR’s note. Think about it. Also, names were chosen randomly.
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Oh, that last one was horrible. ROTFL
Here goes some cute jokes:
1)What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies
2)Blind guy walks into a store and before anyone know it, he picks up his guide dog by the tail and starts swinging it around and around over his head. Horrified, the manager runs up and shouts, “What do you think you’re doing?”
The blind guys says… “Eh. Just lookin’ around.”
3) On the other hand, there are different fingers.
(Think about it for a second.)
I hate being in a funk. Hope those help.
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I’m sitting in my office with Diana cuffed to me, laughing.
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Hi, Diana! All the good jokes I know make fun of my own ethnic group, so I can’t really post them. But the best cheering-up I know that’s free, calorie-free, and pc this time of year is to go visit a good nursery or the garden section of a big hardware store.
by Cynthia
on May 1st, 2007 at 10:25 am
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Diana gets the guy with the “hairless broad chest and chiseled abs” and Tasha and I step on ducks? So unfair! We’ve got to talk, Will.
Congrats on your third book, Laura! I’m looking forward to getting a copy at Malice. And there’s nothing like a little retail therapy to cure the blues. We’ll do our best to cheer you up at Malice. A romance cover art guy might do the trick…
Oh, wait. That’s at RT. Never mind.
by Sara
on May 1st, 2007 at 11:27 am
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Sara, I failed to mention that all the characters in my jokes are fictional and any resemblence to actual authors is merely coincidence.
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Oh, well, that’s okay then. 
by Sara
on May 1st, 2007 at 3:21 pm
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One of my favorite jokes is the one I heard of Sesame Street. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 - 8 - 9!
It slays them in pre-school.
Liz
reviewedbyliz.com
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Just to cheer you up.
A woman got on the bus holding her baby in her arms. The bus driver took one look at the baby and said, “Lady, you got one ugly baby there.”
She was taken aback and didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything. She paid her money, went to the rear of the bus and sat down. The longer she sat there, though, the angrier she got.
She said to the man sitting beside her, “The bus driver just insulted me. I think I’m going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind.”
The man said, “Lady, I think you should. Let me hold your monkey for you.”
by Judy
on May 1st, 2007 at 8:25 pm
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All the good jokes I know are at least R-rated, so be warned:
A priest is sitting in the confession booth. He hears someone come in the other side, then a voice:
“Bless me, fadduh, for I have sinned. I’m seventy-two years old, and I’m having an affair with a beautiful twenty two year old girl. Oy, how insatiable she is! We do it three, four, times a day, every position you can think of, every room in the house. Yesterday we had a threesome with her eighteen year old sister…”
The priest, who’s suddenly recognized the voice, interrupts:
“Abie? Is this Abie Greenberg?”
“Yah?”
“Abie, you’re Jewish! Why are you telling me this?”
“You!? I’m tellin’ EVERYBODY!”
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Two guys are drinking in a New York Bar. One turns to the other and says ‘Pardon me, but I couldn’t help noticin’ yer accent. Yer not from Ireland by any chance, are ye?”
Second guy goes. “Aye, I am from Ireland.”
First guy goes “Saints be praised! Another son of the Old Country! Let me buy you a drink!”
They drink their drinks, then the second guy asks: “And what part of Ireland are ye from, then?”
First guy says “Dublin.”
“Begorrah! I’M from Dublin! Let me buy ye a drink!”
The drink their drinks until the first guy says: “What street did ye grow up on?”
I grew up on O’Connell Street.”
“Cushla Macree! I grew up on the very same street!Let me buy ye a drink!”
So they drink their drinks until the second guy goes. “Where did ye go to school?”
“St. Bridget’s.”
“My God! I went to St. Bridget’s! Let me buy ye a drink!”
About this time somebody comes in and asks the bartender “Anything going on?”
Bartender shrugs, points at the two guys and says “Not much. Just the O’Malley twins getting drunk again.”
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What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!
I love that joke.
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Laura, I don’t know about you, but these cheered me up!!!
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Since we’re on Irish jokes. Repeat this in your best Irish accent.
Shamus O’Leary walks into the pub with blood dripping down his chin and his face battered and bruised. The bartender sees him and asks, “Aye there Shamus, how did that happen?”
Shamus looks down to his feet and says, “Tommy O’Tool beat me up.”
“Tommy O’Tool? You’re jokin’ right? Tommy’s a wee small to do that sorta damage. Did he get the drop on ya or what?”
“Aye, you might say he did.”
“But still, Tommy couldn’t do that to you unless he had someting in his hands,” the bartender says.
“Aye, he did have something. He was carrying a shovel. Wacked me pretty good, he did.”
“But still, Shamus, surely he couldn’t have snuck up on ya. Didn’t ya have something in your hands to defend yourself?”
“Aye, I did. But as fine as Mrs. O’Tool’s breasts are, they’re worthless in a fight.”
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Sorry to be AWOL for so long.
You guys put in quite an effort. Loved ‘em all…thanks for leaving my name out of the random joke, Will.
I have to say, B.E., you made me smile with the blind dog one. VERY cute.
And J.D., your Irish twin one was really cute.
Both made me think of something happy.
Loved them all. These are my two leaders so I’m going to check again in the morning (Thursday) before heading out to Malice and give my final verdict!
thanks for the effort everyone! You guys are the best.
Oh…and Joe Konrath, only you can make me laugh with a joke like that. It’s a gift I tell you.
by Laura
on May 2nd, 2007 at 4:57 pm
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Oh. And Stephen’s was pretty funny too. I could picture that one!
So stay tuned tomorrow morning.
by Laura
on May 2nd, 2007 at 5:06 pm
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Oh. And there’s still time for a few more contenders…
by Laura
on May 2nd, 2007 at 5:08 pm
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B.E. you got the new book. J.D., you got all three.
Please send me your snail mail addy via my email: laura@laurabradford.com
Thanks, everyone!
by Laura
on May 3rd, 2007 at 7:02 am
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