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The Glamorous Life
So last week I was doing a photo shoot for Nashville Scene. We were at Carnton Plantation, setting of The Widow of the South, written by my dear friend, Robert Hicks. It was Robert, in fact, who gave permission for us to be there–although he said he did so primarily because he figured I could tear him to pieces if he didn’t–not that I would ever tear him to pieces. Regardless, he was kind enough to grant clearance, which meant that I got to get all styled up and skulk around in a Victorian gown and big hair in 104 degree heat.
We started by doing some headshots in my normal clothes and then I had to change. The plantation was already closed, so this had to be done outside. I figured it was no big deal. Who was going to see me? Closed, right? And anyhow, I had on nice underwear, so even I was caught I wouldn’t have to be embarrassed. I found what looked like a secluded spot between a fence and an enormous bush and got undressed.
Well. Who knew that the grounds of Carnton are crawling with people after hours? Suffice it to say that I’ll never again feel even a passing twinge of guilt when forking out the cash for my Hanky Pankies. If you’re going to be caught with your pants off, you’d better have on swanky underwear.
Pictures of the fun (but not the underwear) here.
Joining us for today’s Virtual Cocktail Party is a girl who is sure to have no shortage of good underwear. Anna David’s debut novel, Party Girl tells the story of Amelia Stone, a celebrity journalist who’s trying to clean up her act. But when she’s hired to write a column about the Hollywood party scene, she’s forced to lead a double life. The results are hilarious.
So just how do these Hollywood people party? Let’s find out….
The chemical recipe that lands Party Girl’s protagonist Amelia in the hospital:
five Ambien
four lines of Special K
several Amstel Lights
a shot of tequila
inestimable amounts of nicotine and cocaine
Perfect for anyone looking to overdose.
OK, boys and girls. Don’t try that at home unless you’re a professional. Things can get ugly when you pull out a box of Special K…..
KRISTY: What the hell is wrong with Danny Bonaduce?
ANNA: I’m not entirely sure but I feel it must have to do with some unfortunate combination of red hair and early childhood stardom. This just can’t be a good thing! I mean, look at Lindsay Lohan (though I haven’t confirmed firsthand, I do believe she’s a natural redhead). And look, the guy is both an alcoholic and a guy who was once successful and famous and is now only famous for having once been successful and famous. Both of those things — addiction and stardom — arrest your development in a pretty serious way. Plenty of people get over either or both but some just can’t. We have a saying in recovery, that people who are “constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves” have the hardest time of all getting and staying clean and D.B. may well be one of those.
LAURA: What one clothing item must every Party Girl have, and does it matter what color it is?
ANNA: I don’t think party girls are as fashion-conscious as others might believe. I mean, when the focus of your night is on ingesting chemicals and not on matching your shoes with your purse, it doesn’t really matter what you wear, or what color it is. It’s going to come off during your impromptu striptease when you’re dancing on the tables, anyway.
KRISTY: Your hair looks great! Come on, give up the secret.
ANNA: Why, thank you. I was actually born with what I like to call yenta hair. This means curly but not adorable and ringlet-y, just wavy and unkempt looking (it’s okay that I call it that, btw — 100% Jew over here). I get it chemically straightened a few times a year — a painfully lengthy process that I swear every time I’m going to stop doing when I learn to embrace what I’ve naturally been given (hasn’t happened yet).
KRISTY: Mac or PC? (Must come clean on this question, I’m trying to decide myself…)
ANNA: Mac all the way. I’m going to go out there and say that I think Macs are better for writers. They’re cute and they make sense and we need as much cuteness and logic as possible when we’re pounding into our keyboards day after day. I almost don’t trust people who use a PC by choice and not because their work makes them.
JULIA: Cage match: Paris Hilton or 7 Chihuahuas?
ANNA: Paris Hilton. The girl is clearly invincible.
JILL: Hottest male author?
ANNA: Writing and hotness don’t tend to go together much. But I have to say I just heard about this book Duck Duck Wally that was getting a lot of buzz and before I had time to be jealous and resentful of the author, I noted that he was quite hot. Gabe Rotter is his name. And Dana Vachon — another one I wanted to hate before I fell in love with his book — isn’t too shabby, either. I also have a major thing for Martin Amis — not aesthetically speaking really but he’s so ridiculously brilliant and hilarious that he’s the very definition of a guy who writes like he’s hot.
TASHA: What takes your breath away?
ANNA: Not to sound like the quintessential single woman but the look on my cat’s face when she gives me a kiss. It could melt Kim Jong II’s heart.
ERIC: What form of exercise do you absolutely despise?
ANNA: Running. I’m somehow convinced that it’s harder for me than it is for everyone else. Watching red-faced people gasp and pant as they make their way down the street, I just think, My God, wouldn’t starvation just be easier? It’s weird because I love all sorts of cardio — spinning, dance classes, whatever. But I’d rather gargle Nair than go running.
TASHA: Anna, what a perfect answer! That is exactly how I feel about running.
A million thanks to Anna for dropping by! Before you start your own wild weekend, answer her questions:
1) What’s your Danny Bondauce theory? Why does he continue to be televised despite most of the world’s disdain for him?
2) Why do people run when they’re not legally contracted to do so?
3) Do you know any single women who don’t have cats?
4) Any table dancing/impromptu striptease’s in your past?
That’s it for now. I’m back to my narcotic-induced haze. More on that next week, when our guest will be one of the most charming, talented, and generous guys I know. Mr. Redneck Noir himself, J.D. Rhoades. Let me know if you’ve got questions for him…
xo
Tasha
