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Baby Tabasco!
I’m a simple girl; easily amused. A good thing, I think. Who needs expensive jewelry, swanky cars, trips to paradise? Well. Scratch that last one. I could do with a few weeks somewhere gorgeous. Soft sand, palm trees, sapphire water, cabana boys bringing food and beverages at regular intervals…Sigh….
Hmm. I’m getting all distracted. Is it warm in here?
Right.
Last weekend I encountered something that diverted me more than you can imagine. Unless you’re Kristy Kiernan. She’s probably the only other person on earth who would embrace this discovery with the enthusiasm it deserves.
So what the hell am I talking about?
Baby Tabasco.
Wee little bottles of the good stuff. Purse Tabasco: You’ll never have to leave home without it again.
I picked up these priceless gems while at the Great Lakes Booksellers Association trade show in beautiful Schaumburg, Illinois. Fantastic three days, and not just because of the Tabasco (which I took the liberty of removing from every restaurant table within my reach; I’ve got quite the stash). Met lots of amazing booksellers and got to hang out with many of my favorite people: Laura Caldwell, Sean Chercover, Allison Janssen, Lesley Kagen, Joe Konrath, Ben LeRoy, Renee Rosen, Marcus Sakey, Brian Wilson. Now, I was feeling rather (cough) amusing yesterday and took a whole series of Baby Tabasco pictures. They’re hysterical. Baby Tabasco hiding in the bamboo plant. Baby Tabasco with a margarita. Baby Tabasco trying to make a phone call….well, you get the idea. But I have a sneaking suspicion that no one aside from myself would find them quite so entertaining. So I’ll spare you and instead share pictures from GLBA here.
But admit it: You’re kind of intrigued by the Baby Tabasco, aren’t ya?
The best part of these trade shows is the collection of books you get to take home. I shamelessly horded them as we made our way through the floor (pillaging and plundering, as said by a certain author who can be counted on to always be brilliant and articulate beyond measure, following a scorched earth policy and leaving a trail of destruction). I had no room in my suitcase and as I’m not fortunate enough to have the sherpa so kindly suggested by another brilliant and articulate author I had to cram my selections into a tote bag and drag it through O’Hare. But that didn’t bother me. Books! Books! Books! I will, however, admit that I would have been slightly happier about the whole thing if the gate for my flight hadn’t been changed FOUR times. And I need hardly say this forced me to go from one end of Siberia to the other and back and forth again and again and again. It also would have been nice if I’d had a seat on the airplane and not had to spend the better part of two hours of delay time wondering if I was going to be bumped. But I’m all Travel Zen and it didn’t faze me in the least. After all, even if I had to spend endless hours in the airport, I certainly wasn’t going to run out of things to read.
A beautiful, beautiful thing.
Although I really could have used a visit from that most elusive of characters, the body slave, afterward. My shoulders were more than a little sore from the expedition.
Best bounty from the weekend? (Other than the Baby Tabasco and learning that I have Magic Princess Hair, of course….) A copy of Matthew Strecher’s Reader’s Guide to The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, given to me by Javier from Chicago’s fabulous Book Cellar. Very, very cool! There were lots of other good titles as well. And lots that we all rejected out of hand. But that was fun too.
And speaking of fun, we’ve got more of it for you here today. With us is Joey Aaron, author and depressed internet celebrity expert, who has just finished writing YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES, the story of uberlonelyguy16. Because he’s underage we’re going to keep things legal and start off with a non-alcoholic drink. Doesn’t mean that it can’t pack a punch….
The B.S. (Bull Shirley)
1 can Red Bull over ice
Grenadine syrup
and a maraschino cherry
BILL: Why Red Bull, not Rockstar?
JOEY: Because the big Rockstar can makes it look like you’re over-compensating for something…
CARRIE: What’s the worst part of being a depressed internet celebrity?
JOEY: Finding a parking spot for my lime green lamourghini.
JILL: Number one rule for a successful party?
JOEY: 5:1 Girl to guy ratio. No exceptions.
TASHA: Cage match between any two people of your choosing: Who fights, who wins?
JOEY: Ms. Teen South Carolina vs. Chris Crocker
KRISTY: Who’s the most overexposed celebrity and how do we put an end to his/her nonsense?
JOEY: Britney Spears. The solution…? Well obviously shaving her head doesn’t work.
DAVID: What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever found on YouTube?
JOEY: The ultimate “owned” compliation. People getting hit in the head, snake bites, gross stuff in general.
TASHA: What’s the opposite of fifteen minutes of fame?
JOEY: Everyones knows the opposite of fifteen minutes of fame is the thirteen mintues of shame.
CARRIE: Are you still uberlonely?
JOEY: I’m as uberloney as the promoters need me to be. *Sniffle sniffle*
Your turn! Answer Joey’s questions:
1. Would you rather be famous for fifteen minutes than never be famous at all?
2. Myspace or Facebook?
3. Can Miss South Carolina really be that dumb?
4. Is high school life in minature or is life high school in miniature?
5. If you could only choose one brand name to express your entirely personality, what would it be?
That’s it for now. I’m off to eat some kick ass jambalaya. Jambalaya that I did NOT make with the Baby Tabasco. Strictly reaching for the big bottle at home; the little guys need to travel….
xo
Tasha
