The Good Girls are back from Malice. And as you might expect, we left our mark.

A few of our misdeeds were…*cough*…photographed. Pictorial evidence we swore would never see the light of day.

Since I have not received a worthy bribe yet am not at liberty to discuss these misdeeds, I leave you to your own imagination (but, can I just say, that cops are way C-U-T-E when brandishing a baton and preparing for a pat-down?).

Breathe, Laura.

Wait. Where was I?

Ah yes. Malice.

When I stumbled across my fellow G.G’s on Friday afternoon, I was unwrapping a—get this—piece of chocolate. Which is probably why Regina, who as of that moment had never met me in the flesh, needed no introductions from either Diana or Sara.

Helloooooooo. I’m here.

I could go on and on about the conference. Share bits of gossip… Pass along tales of a sinking ship… Describe each scintillating panel… Recap the banquet speeches… But I’ve opted, instead, to simply let you, our faithful blog readers, “sit in” on snatches of conversation that ensued over the course of the weekend.

**Caution. What you are about to read may raise a few, um, eyebrows. But remember, you are simply hearing flashes of dialogue. What was truly being discussed (and by whom) is for you to decide.**

1) Don’t ask why I’m traveling with pliers.

2) We were partaking in a decadent dessert of Ho-Ho’s with a sprig of mint. How was your author dinner?

3) There’s a frog hiding in my suitcase somewhere.

4) Tell me about this PhotoShop feature. Can it give you boobs?

5) The higher you rank in hell, the more conference calls you get.

6) It’s too big!!! I can’t fit it in!!!

7) You step in this thing and it just blows you.

8) Hands against the wall and spread ’em.

9) Ice Fishing, anyone?

10) She’s waiting for some cookies to go with her milk.

11) You can’t be a Good Girl. Your name doesn’t end with the right vowel.

And, my all time favorite…

12) You’d have to be an idiot not to get five books.

That’s it ladies and gentleman. If anyone cares to fill in the the surrounding dialogue (or setting/action) for any of these gems–have at it. Care to make a guess as to what was going on, we’re all ears.

~Laura

P.S. A big Good Girl kiss goes out to Michael. He had no idea what he was in for when he came upon us with his paddy wagon. And we suspect he’ll never quite be the same.

P.S. #2 (a.k.a. a tip for our more curious readers). I am not the only Good Girl who can be bribed. Try Sara.